I was upstairs playing with the kids when the door bell rang. As I walked down the steps I could smell the scent of his Brut Cologne in the air. The first thing I saw was Leon looking through the screen door smiling at me. His smiling face warmed my heart. For a few moments I just stood there admiring him and smiling back. He was wearing a blue long sleeve shirt with black pants and his rose-tinted sun glasses as usual. He never took them off—not even when he kissed me. I wondered what his eyes looked like underneath them.
“Hi Leon” I opened the door.
“Hi Angel.” he walked in and kissed me on the cheek, then walked over to the living room couch, sat down and crossed his legs. I walked over and sat down beside him. “I didn’t bring any records today.” he said. I noticed he was wearing black nylon socks. Like always, his finger nails were neatly groomed. Nobody in Meadville wore nylon socks. I just had to touch and feel them. I ran my finger down his ankle. They felt soft like women’s stockings.
“So, how was your day? he asked smiling.
“It was okay. I took the kids to the park again.” He reached for my hand and held it and he kissed me gently then put my hand on his lap taking my hand and rubbing it along his leg. Then he moved my hand slowly onto the warm, bulge inside his pants, and whispered softly in my ear, “I want you baby.” Leon sent several kisses, gently pecking on my lips. “Can I have you?” he said looking in my eyes as he waited for my answer. I was embarrassed to touch him that way and I didn’t know how I should react. At first I just let my hand lay there, but Leon took it and made it rub him again. I got the feeling that he wanted me to rub him there, so I did. My mind was foggy and my body was excited; it was hard to think clearly. The physical sensations coming from my body were confusing and the bulge was getting bigger and bigger.
“You already have me Leon.” I didn’t have to wonder what to say it just popped up in my mind automatically. What Aunt Carm had always said; “If a boy asks you to raise your dress say ‘no’. If you do it, something terrible will happen,” kept repeating over and over again in my mind. She never explained what would happen. I guess she had a just say no philosophy. I was scared to death of what might happen. If there ever would be a time to say ‘no’ it was now.Leon kept trying to slip his hand into my slacks. Every time his hand went below my waist, I stopped him and held his hand firmly. He could kiss me passionately, and caress my breasts even suck on my nipples, but that was it. I liked the way he made me feel. I was too busy enjoying it to know that I was playing with fire and that fire was blazing hotter and hotter by the second.
“Do you love me?” he asked holding my hand. I thought about it for a moment, I wasn’t sure how it felt to be in love. I knew I had never felt that way about anyone. And I never had those kinds of experiences with anyone else.
“I think I do.”
He let go of my hand and gave me a serious look. “What do you mean you think you do?”
“I never felt like this before Leon, I’m not sure.” How do I know if it’s true love? I thought.
“I love you Heddy.” He French kissed me plunging his hot tongue inside my mouth.
“Do you love me baby?” he whispered kissing me again gently on the lips.
I thought, maybe I should just tell him ‘I do’ so he would stop asking.
“Mm, Yes, Leon, I love you.” I kissed him on his neck and stroked his head and down his shoulders. He held me tight and French kissed me again passionately. Leon slipped his hands inside my slacks. But I stopped his hand again and held onto it tightly.
“No baby. Please don’t. We can’t,” I whispered in his ear.
“Why not? I love you. Don’t you love me?”
“Mama will kill me.” I thought about what Mama always said: “Boys flock to the bad girls, but they marry the good girls.”
“She’s not here! How’s she going to know?” He shrugged his shoulders. “Are you going to tell her?”
“No, I wouldn’t tell her.”
“Well I’m not going to tell her. So, how would she know if neither of us tells her?” That made sense, but Mama had ways of finding stuff out—then all hell would break loose. Most people say ‘fear God,’ but I feared Mama—with God I had a chance. Mama was a strong disciplinarian she gave my sister and I one chance to do what she told us to do, after that our behind was hers. She never forgot or let anything go: consistency was the motto she lived by.
“But something could happen.” I looked down fiddling with the buttons on my blouse.
“Like what Heddy?”
I looked up at him. “I could end up pregnant.”
“Is that what’s worrying you Angel? I won’t get you pregnant. I promise I’ll be careful.” He unbuttoned my blouse, kissed my nipples, and waited again for my answer.
“No, I can’t! I pushed him away.”
“Come on baby, I need you. I want you so bad.” His hand pushed my hand over toward his bulge again. “Feel that?” It was big and hard as a rock. “That’s how bad I want you. I can’t go home like this!” I didn’t know what to do or say; my body was going crazy with anticipation and desire. All I could think about was what Mama and Aunt Carm warned me about.
Leon kissed me on my cheek and then my ear. The next thing I knew his hot wet tongue was inside my ear licking. My body went limp. He quickly stuck his hand inside my slacks and down into my panties. His fingers searched tenderly until he found the opening of my portal. I gasped for a breath of air, and went even weaker as he went deeper inside with his finger. It felt good until he reached a spot that hurt like hell.
“Stop Leon, that hurts!” I shouted. I pulled his hand from inside my panties and pushed him away.
“I’m sorry Angel I didn’t mean to hurt you.” We sat there on the couch silently for what seemed like a long time before he tried again. He kissed me and licked and sucked on my nipples. Then I heard the sound of his zipper unzipping. He put my hand on his private which was out of his pants and harder and standing straight up in the air. My body wanted him in ways I was too young to understand at fourteen.
He whispered in my ear, “I’m young, dumb, and full of cum.”
“If you loved me you’d let me.”
“That hurts, shoot! If you loved me you wouldn’t ask.”
He sat there silently for what seemed like a longtime, then stood up and walked towards the door and looked back at me with his tinted shades still in place. “Good night Angel see you tomorrow.” He left closing the door behind him.
Mountain Top Journals 